Sweet, Gentle Goodnight

Imagine this little boy, just three years old, snuggled in his bed under a poof of down comforter, his face nuzzling into his soft stuffed puppy. Now imagine his tired mother, nearly forty-three years old, weary from a day of discipline, snowball fights, a million repeats of "no, don't touch that", silly dancing, and cleaning pee puddles. She kneels beside his bed to tuck him in and, teasing, flops her head down to use his belly for a pillow. He laughs and begins to play with her hair. Soft, gentle touch, stroking her hair, undoubtedly creating a style fit for a beauty salon book, sweetly caressing her aching head, and rubbing away the stresses of the day. When she finally kisses and hugs him goodnight, he doesn't want to let go.

Let me never be too busy, too unaware, too unthinking for the grace of such moments.

Pie and Decluttering

Last Thursday was March 14 or, as I like to call it, 3.14. It's also known as Pi Day and here in the Lipsey household we decided to make it Pie Day. We held our first annual Pi(e)Palooza in celebration of the holiday and of Miles' third birthday on the 15th.

I think I baked more pies last week than I've baked in my whole life put together.

Three chicken pies, two lamb shepherds' pies, 19 personal-size tomato pies, 24 mini quiches, four triple-berry pies, two apple pies, 60 mini chocolate mousse pies, one pan of chicken with dumplings, and one huge papier mache cherry pie~nata. Whew. Grace helped peel/core/slice the apples and paint the crust on the pinata, Vic helped make and roll out crusts, and everyone helped sample the chocolate mousse. The Palooza was a big success!

And the lingering ramifications? A second annual Pi(e)Palooza is eagerly anticipated, our family has eaten pie for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past three days, and I crashed on the couch all day Friday and took naps all weekend. Now that we're into a new week, I can stop thinking and dreaming about pastry and move on to a new stream of thought.

Spring cleaning. Or to be more accurate, cleaning. We have lived in this house for nearly four years and there are boxes which haven't been opened yet. There are few pictures on the walls, few designated homes for items, and few open flat surfaces.

If you've known me for a while, you know that dirt and disorganization make me feel crazy inside. So there's been a niggling ball of crazy hanging out just under the surface for the past several years. It's not that I haven't made any effort at cleaning, organizing, decorating, etc. It's just that life with two little ones has made sustaining any effort difficult and things return to chaos within days if not hours. And how will this spring's cleaning be different? Maybe it won't, but it's a necessary effort if I'm to live life thoughtfully. And why is that? All of the thoughtful things I long to do and be require mental space, margin on the busy pages of life, free time for creative thinking.

In the past, I've tried to think of ways to attack the whole mess at once. That's how I'd prefer to work -- choose a week and work until everything's done. It's simply not an option right now, so I'm going to try something different. I'm going to work in one area or room of the house until it's clean, organized, and decorated. Not as immediately satisfying, but perhaps slow, steady progress will be the secret to actually finishing the task. I also think the project will require a second round, revisiting each space to reevaluate based on how the other rooms have turned out. Yep, a long process indeed. But I'm hopeful that seeing little bits of progress will be encouraging. With that in mind, here is a list of the spaces I've outlined for our home:

• kitchen
• dining room
• living room
• guest bath
• entry way
• stair closet
• desk area
• guest room
• kids room
• master bedroom
• kids bath
• master bath
• master closet
• laundry closet
• porch
• front yard
• side yard
• patio
• back yard
• garden
• garage

Yikes, long list, I know. But the divisions seem logical, and the total is still only 1500 square feet. Probably Goodwill, Home Depot, local thrift stores, Target, and IKEA should be prepared to see me a fair bit over the next six months. And anyone who comes to visit should be prepared for a bit of a mess in one room or another.

Any suggestions on which space to tackle first? The easy ones or the tougher ones that would have an impact every day?

Aaaaaaah!

If only I actually had time to think, to slow down enough to be aware, to focus enough to be intentional.

It has been a crazy last week, month, year, five years. I am not living thoughtfully in many of the ways I would like, although I think about blogging here several times a week and writing down the craziness often increases my level of thoughtfulness. Perhaps it's time to start attacking that feeling of life and its important moments flying by on two different fronts: trying to reduce insanity AND trying to pause, despite the insanity, to smell the roses.

Even in those two ideas I see so much trying that it exhausts me to consider any plans of attack. How thankful I am that God does not expect me to accomplish anything worthwhile on my own. And yet I have never really grasped how to let go of trying. I like to try. I like to succeed. Hmm, apparently I am going to need his help even to do the work of letting go.

Now that is some serious craziness.

Weariness

How do I live life thoughtfully when I'm weary? Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm finding it tough. When I'm tired, my mental focus slips just out of reach. Situations and decisions feel overwhelming and take more energy than I might have at that moment.

I'm amazed by the difference some small or seemingly insignificant choices can make. For example, pulling myself together for the day rather than defaulting to sweats and slippers. Sitting down for five minutes with a cup of cocoa and looking out the window instead of focusing on the mess of toys/books/etc at my feet. Napping during quiet time and setting aside the twenty things I think I should accomplish with those free minutes. Taking two seconds early in the day to decide what's for dinner. Calling a friend rather than sending a text. Running. I'd love to say spending time with the Lord, but that's often beyond my mushy brain's power, at least in any kind of significant way.

Living thoughtfully seems to involve being aware first. Obviously. I can't consider someone or something if I haven't observed and paid attention. And awareness is impossible if I'm focused on myself. When I feel weary, it's easy to turn inward but that quickly becomes living selfishly. So for today, when I am tired, my small choice that I hope will make a difference is looking outward and simply observing...

• Vic looks far too handsome in blue.
• Grace can do so many things by herself now.
• Miles is snuggly when he has a cold.
• Our enameled cast iron dutch oven makes me smile.
• The yard is green and hasn't had to be mowed in months.
• The dining room table is the one spot in the house that actually stays clear and clean.
• It's really chilly in the house today and I'm the only one wearing a sweater.
• The "Grandmom & Grandad are coming" paper chain is getting shorter.
• I need a nap.

I Love Puzzles

The before and after (about six hours after) of an activity that uses my brain and yet takes no actual thought. This was a fun diversion. And now I must return to the task list at hand...

Fridate

Vic and I have a tradition since the kids were born. We may not get out for a date as often as we might like, but Friday night is date night at home. We tuck the kids in, serve up ice cream or popcorn (or both), and watch a movie together. It's a tradition I count on and am really thankful for each week.

It's easy to take a tradition for granted or to get into a rut of routine, so lately I've been trying to put a little bit of thought into it. It's amazing how much more I appreciate this time with Vic when I think about it during the day, plan a movie or board game, bake something yummy for dessert, etc.

We recommend Fridates!

Weighty Thoughts

I'm trying to get a school application filled out and dropped off by tomorrow. Name? Address? Other bits of personal info? No problem. It's the second, third, and fourth pages that are bogging me down.

In my daily life, I just don't spend time thinking about academic philosophy. If I am able to spend some time reading scripture or praying, that's a great day spiritually speaking -- pondering theology is beyond the reach of my day-to-day brain power. I know the value of stepping back to take a more objective look at how Grace and Miles are doing and what we might need to be working on with them, but glory be if I actually do it more than once every month or two. So yeah, answering questions about the value of homework, the importance of reading, the role of parents in education, Calvinism vs Armenianism, the sovereignty of God, church involvement, Grace's academic and character strengths and weaknesses, and why we want her to attend their school? Too much thinking for me right now.

Thankfully, I'm married to a good thinker. Vic and I will attack the application tonight and hopefully it will represent us as a family, and Grace as a student, well.